As I was growing up I had several traumatic experiences and was basically an adult in a child’s body. I was still a child of course but in some instances I thought more on an adult level so I did not always do things kids my age would do. I was always being told that I was so mature for my age and people were just amazed at my politeness and socialization skills. In reality, I was awkward around my peers and had a very low self esteem. So I always told myself when I had children I would protect them from the traumas of life and they would get to be kids. It is hard enough raising a child in this day and age but it becomes ten times more complicated when your child loses their innocence.
What I learned is no matter how hard you try things happen to your kids even when you try to protect them. In this day and age is so hard to protect your child as a whole family but it is like the world knows in a broken home your kid is more susceptible to the harshness and predators of the world. This happens especially when two separate parent households parent completely different. In our house we have always limited internet and social media, guarded the kids against things that are not appropriate to watch. In the other house hold two of our kids were allowed unlimited access to internet and very adult things in the world. I say say both kids but one of our kids was exposed to so much their innocence was ripped from them before I knew what was going on.
I tried to co parent with their dad and even let our child live with their father because that is what they expressed they wanted to do. Little did I know over the course of 2.5 years my child would be exposed to sexual predators, they were told it was OK to do inappropriate things in public and told that those that cared for him( my wife and I) really didn’t care. When my child chose to speak of some of the things that were going on to their father it was brushed off and not even discussed with me. So nothing was done to protect this child. I sensed something was going on but could not get answers. During their formative developmental years they were allowed to watch adult content some legal(for adults) some shit was illegal and just plain sickening. All the while being told all this was OK to do. My child who was once so close to me started shutting me out. When they finally told me some stuff after over a year of it going on I tried to get them help only to be shut out of their life for over half a year. During that time more strangers took advantage of my child and still nothing was done until the child snapped and they were basically of no use to the other parent anymore and was forced into a hospital(still not addressing the behavior that caused the loss of innocence) and then abandoned by the other parent.
To me It was a blessing in disguise because now they are back home with us where there is love and support and structure. To my child it was a blessing as well but they are no longer an innocent child learning to become a young adult. They are a traumatized child trying to relearn what is appropriate and learn that they are a good person and wanted and loved. This child with childlike tendency and basically a grownup state was stuck feeling like they weren’t wanted and didn’t even know why.
They have to take time out of their week and address the things that have happened and that brings up anxiety and the added feeling of disgust in themselves. They have to avoid the things that kids their age normally do because it could be a trigger. They miss out on all the fun talk their friends do because they aren’t in the “know”. Their self esteem is so damaged they feel like a burden.
What I see is my child a loving caring kid who is discovering who they are. Prior to the trauma they were charismatic and full of life. All the trauma has caused self doubt and extreme anxiety and depression. They have come a long way since They have been back home with us. The anxiety isn’t as bad but they still have a long road ahead. 18 weeks of trauma therapy to make sure they can and will succeed as a functioning successful adult.
I used to think the worst feeling in the world is me losing my childhood but nothing compares to the hurt you see your child going thru when they lose their innocence.
The awesome thing to look at through all of this is there is hope for my child. Like I said they are home with us and there is love and support and acceptance. They get to be a child and even though the past cannot be undone they are learning in a positive way how to cope with and get past it.
Below is just one link to safe guard your children:
The movie was great! I don’t know what I enjoyed watching more, her or the movie. After the movie she invited me back to her place because we had agreed that neither one of us wanted the night to end.
When we pulled up to her house she got out of the car and rushed over to the passenger side to open my door. When we walked into her house she touched the small of my back as we entered into the house.
The feelings I got whenever she brushed up against me were indescribable. She offered me a glass of wine , which I gladly accepted. As we sat there talking about everything under the sun and moon gently touching each others hands, she really had no clue the heated spots she left on every part of my body she touched. When our lips met they fit perfectly together. Her beautifully butch lips tasted of the Mascato wine we had been drinking. She deepend the kiss and her tongue teased mine , she bit my lip and a fire lit in between my thighs. I let out a moan and leaned against her. she ran her hand under my shirt and cupped my breast, putting my hard nipple between her fingers. She let out a throaty lusty approval when she felt me weaken beneath her wondering hands. She pulled my shirt over my head and laid me back on the couch as she proceeded to make a sweet trail of kisses and nibbles down my neck. When she reached my bra she pulled it aside took my taunt nipple between her lips and flicked her tongue back and forth quickly over it. OH! GOD , I screamed and arched upwards. My whole body ached to touch hers. I wanted to run trails of kisses down her body. I wanted to tease her wonderfully plump breast with my hands and then my mouth. I reached up to pull her shirt off because I wanted to feel her skin touch my skin. I was so hot and wet, my sex was throbing and my pants were getting uncomfortable. She must have read my mind because when her lips were near my belly her hands gracefully unbuttoned my pants and she slide them off along with my panties and tossed them to the ground. I felt so relieved to be out of those jeans. My hot wetness ached for her touch. I was squirming as she came back up to tease my mouth again this time I teased her with my tongue and trailed a kiss down to her neck. She tasted so wonderful. She wasn’t finished with me though so she gave little laugh and told me to lay back and enjoy. I reached to tug at her pants, she knew I wanted them off so she obliged. She was so sexy in her sportsbra and boxers. She stood up and shed both of those, then pressed her naked body against mine as she slowly started trailing her fingers down my body leaving a trail of fire where ever she touched. She moved to my thighs and slowly dipped her hand in between them. Her hand was met with my hot wet eager sex wanting her touch. She slowly traced the lips of my sex, all the while the fire continually building inside me. She slipped a finger inside me and moved it back and forth while she took me into another deep kiss. I moved back and fourth with her movements letting out sounds of pleasure. She made another lusty sound pleased with my bodies reaction. My body was literally on fire from my head all the way to my toes and the center was red hot! Her sounds of approval along with her mouth and tongue teasing my breast and her fingers massaging my sex, I couldn’t stop it if I wanted to, my body arched in release as I soaked her hand with my cum. She lay the rest the way down beside me slowly kissing my quivering body til she got to my lips and kissed me gently. My hands traveled down her toned butch body to her breast I loved the way they felt under my hands. I deepen the kiss because I was fully aroused at how well she knew my body and was eager to touch hers. I rolled myself up until I was above her, kissing her and pressing my body against hers. I trailed kisses down her neck and nibbled my way to her breast. Her perfect pink hard nipples waiting for me to tenderly kiss them. I did just that and I heard her breath suck in. Her hand grabbing the top of my head, I slowly trailed down her body kissing every inch and loving her soft skin . I kissed her thighs and stopped to run my hands down her body so that I touched her wet sex. I could tell she really had enjoyed pleasing me. I looked at her with a sexy smirk as I played around the opening of her sex teasing her clit and slid my pinky finger into her waiting wetness. She moaned with excitement and it was my turn to let out the lusty sound of approval. I stared into her eyes as I moved my finger in and out slowly and watched as the fire of excitement burned bright in her eyes. I needed to taste her lips so I leaned up to take her into a deep kiss. I sat up and straddling her leg removed my finger from her sex and sucked her sweet juices off my finger. She moaned,” Oh My” and lifted her thigh up to brush against my still hot wet sex. I closed my eyes enjoying the moment, she tasted so sweet on my finger that I not only wanted but NEEDED to taste the source from which that yummy sweetness had come from. So I lowered my head down between her thighs. I ran kisses up both thighs and came to the center where the delicious sweet stuff was. I slowly licked the lips of her hot wet sex and felt her body react instantly and she let out a very sensual moan. I adjusted myself and draped her legs over my shoulders so I could have more access to please her. I dipped my tongue into the deep wetness and brought it back out running it up until I found her clit. Her hands had found my hair and she gripped my hair enjoying every minute of my tongue teasing and flicking her clit. I couldn’t help but feel my own body was nearing a climax just because I was pleasing her so well. I didn’t know that could even be possible. As I was enjoying her sweet deliciousness feeling her body arch under the pleasure I started to tease her clit more. Her moaning and movements told me I was hitting all the right spots. I couldn’t help but let out a throaty approval of lust when she said my name. I knew she was nearing the end and I wanted to make it worth it for her so as I was playing and teasing her clit I gently increased my speed and slipped a finger inside her to match the rhythm of my mouth. It didn’t take long before she let out a scream, arched her back and shuddered soaking my hand as I had hers earlier. Her pleasure was my pleasure and I too climaxed. I lay my head on her thigh for a moment enjoying the aftershocks I felt in my body. She was running her hands gently thru my hair and I kissed her thigh and worked my way back up to kiss her lips.
As we laid there on the couch our naked relaxed bodies entwined we drifted of to sleep, relaxed and pleased.